C'mere! I need to tell you something.

By Kristen on July 31, 2024

Guess what!

I'M DIVORCED.

Kristen looking surprised.

It got legally finalized back at the end of January, but because so many pieces were still moving (account transfers and such), I didn't want to say anything publicly.

But it's alllllllllllll done now. Whew!!!

Kristen's hand.

No more lawyer bills. No more of the incessant paperwork. No more court dates. No more legal proceedings. I AM FREE.

black high heels. — heels for the final hearing

When I went to sign up for a grocery store bonus card recently, the clerk asked if I was new to the area. I said, "Nope! I just got divorced!"

She offered her congratulations (probably based on my cheerful tone, lol) and I said, "Yep, that's exactly the energy we're bringing to this one."

Sad it had to happen, happy it's done

I recognize that to some people, it is in poor taste to celebrate when a divorce is finalized. And I am of two minds about this.

Yes, it is heartbreakingly sad that my marriage was such that I needed to leave. And also, I am over the MOON happy to be free from it.

wedding rings in Kristen's hand.

Both things are true. There is room for both.

And trust me, I have cried many hurt and sad tears over the fact that my marriage was not what marriage is supposed to be.

But for today, I am just happy, happy, happy to be free.

Kristen with her hands by her face.

I am relieved.

I am grateful.

And I do not feel one teensy tiny bit of guilt over my decision to leave and to file for divorce. I am a million percent sure that it was the right decision.

Natalie Hoffman says that we Christian women often feel we need to know for sure, for sure, for sure that we have tried everything before we leave, and then when we leave, we can feel very solid in our decision.

That's me.

I know I tried (probably for way too long) to make that marriage work, to the point where I lost my desire to keep living. And I know that there are absolutely no stones I left unturned in my efforts to stay and do whatever I could to make it healthy.

stack of rocks.

So now? I feel utterly free of guilt and I have no second thoughts.

I am grateful for all the people who have helped me along the way, and I am also proud of myself for bravely navigating something so hard.

I am proud of myself for working hard on healing from my marriage.

I am proud of myself for taking steps to build a new life.

Smiling Kristen in scrubs.

I am not a failure

Someone in my Facebook group recently categorized divorce as a failure and a sign of our throwaway culture. While I'm sure there are people out there who don't take marriage seriously, and who divorce for frivolous reasons, I can say for certain I am not one of them.

I did not fail. I did not throw away my marriage on a whim. I am not perfect, but I know I knocked it out of the park when it came to the effort I poured into my marriage.

wedding rings.

By filing, I merely made official what was already true in reality.

Everyone else is free to have their opinions about the morality of divorce (and about the morality of my divorce in particular!), but I live in absolute peace about my decision regardless of what another soul on the planet thinks. 🙂

Honestly, I got to the point where I wouldn't have cared if every single church and every single pastor/elder on the entire planet told me I should stay; I would still have left and filed. That's how sure I was (and am.)

I persevered under extremely trying circumstances for a super long time. And then when I could no longer bear those circumstances, I took steps to move forward into a healthier, freer way of living.

I am not weak for that; I am strong.

Kristen flexing.

My life is mine

For the first time in my adult life, my house is mine alone, my cars are mine alone, my bank accounts are mine alone...and I feel goooooood.

The future is bright

My life has already improved in leaps and bounds since January of 2022, and I have every reason to hope that trajectory will continue.

Yes, I'm 46. Yes, I've already lived a lot of my life.

Kristen smiling.

But there is still a future. There is time for new and wonderful things. There is time to grow and heal.

There is time to fly free.

glass bluebirds in a window.

Please read before you comment: As you rejoice with me, please keep in mind that I am not the only one who may read your comments. My children may, my former in-laws may, the Person Who Shall Not Be Named may. I trust you to operate in light of that, with kindness and consideration.